Update

Hello there! I know I haven't updated in a couple of months. Truth be told, I have another blog and updating two webspaces is just not something I can do. So, check me out here:

http://www.mujerinterrumpida.tumblr.com

When The United States Gets A Cold, Puerto Rico Catches Pneumonia: A Microcosm of a Larger Problem

I recently went to Puerto Rico on hiatus. And have taken the last week to decompress and process not only my own internal revelations but also what I learned from being there as it relates to the world. I have to admit, I was hesitant to write this for a few reasons. One because I don’t want to offend anyone and two, because I wanted to find the right way to say what I want to convey. I can’t keep my mouth shut for much longer so here goes my best attempt at being tactful with my message.

Puerto Rico is beautiful. The beaches were clean and the water was so clear and so blue; my favorite was the beach in Fajardo. I definitely want to go back. San Juan was also a good time, with the old Spanish architecture on some on the buildings, the stone roads and the vibe. El Yunque was great. I got the chance to take in the beauty of the rainforest; it was spellbinding. The energy in there was incredible, and the cold water of La Mina, one of the waterfalls in the rainforest. Even with all the great things about Puerto Rico, I could not ignore the other side of the coin.

One of my favorite expressions to use when someone is getting screwed over royally is, “You got fucked in the ass with no lube.” I know that’s a bit graphic but I would use that expression with what I saw and contemplated in Puerto Rico. The United States is fucking Puerto Rico in the ass with no lube. In many ways. For starters, the fact that Fortuno is the governor of the island is a problem. I didn’t know anything about him when I got there but his first impression on me left a bad taste in my mouth. He’s a rich Republican interested in privatizing a lot of things on the island, such as the UPR in Rio Piedras; I’m not completely sure where the status of this is but there were talks of privatizing the Luis Marin Munoz Airport near San Juan. Another thing that bothered me was the complacency to the conditions that I saw. I stayed in Rio Piedras, visited San Juan several times and spent some time out in Rio Grande, so I’m speaking from what I saw.

Rio Piedras was an interesting place. One of the things that gave me a bit of a shock was seeing junkies everyday on my way to Plaza de Mercado, which was a market for food, clothing and other things. Some of the buildings in the town were less than ideal, with paint chipping, graffiti everywhere and a sense that a lot of it was run down. Also, something else that bothered me. I don’t remember recycling at all when I was there. I asked when I was out once and was told to just throw my empty bottle of water in the regular trash receptacle. Oh and the post office in Rio Piedras, which is supposedly a U.S post office, was not in the best condition. It boggled my mind that they would have one employee taking care of a long ass line of customers when I went in there around lunch time. I also decided while I was there that I would refrain from complaining about New York City drivers again after witnessing the way Puerto Ricans on the island were driving. It was like the traffic lights and stop signs were merely just suggestions. It was a bit reckless for my taste.

Now, all of us here on mainland U.S have felt the effects of the economy’s current downward spiral. And while it sucks for us, I realized that our problems are much more magnified in Puerto Rico. A taxi driver put it in perfect words for me: When the U.S get a cold, Puerto Rico catches pneumonia. If there are tons of people in mainland U.S laid off from their jobs, double that number and you can get a picture of how people are living. To add insult to injury, money that could be used to create new jobs seems to be being used to build more hotels and gentrify places like Rio Piedras. From what I learned staying with a friend’s relatives is that most of the jobs that are available are either hotel jobs or random gigs that don’t pay much but when you have a family and have to support yourself, you take what you can.

If you know me at all, I rarely watch television. While I was in Puerto Rico, I watched a lot more television than I usually do. I kept up with the student strike at the University of Puerto Rico in Rio Piedras, which was walking distance from where I was staying. I was angered by the actions the police took against the student. There are reports of police brutalizing UPR students and even a parent was reported to have been hurt by them. Here are some Youtube videos that show what I’m talking about:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0UMqiVkOou8&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNSek6Tof4E&feature=related

Before you go and kill me for “nitpicking” at all of these things, let me finish and make my point. Puerto Rico is an example of what the United States has either done or contributed to in many countries. Witnessing all the aforementioned things made me even angrier with the United States. And made me think of all the actions and things the U.S has done over the years to the world. Let’s talk about how the United States has funded much of the weaponry that so-called “terrorists” in the Middle East currently use. To take that a step further, I still remember that our favorite fugitive Osama bin Laden was apparently trained by the CIA in certain skills. Another interesting little tidbit is that The bin Laden family is a prominent pillar of the Saudi Arabian ruling class, with close personal, financial and political ties to that country’s pro-US royal family. Read more here: http://www.greenleft.org.au/node/24198 and http://socialistworker.org/2001/377A/377A_02_BinLaden.shtml.

Let’s also remember Pearl Harbor and how our wonderful president FDR was aware that there was an attack coming and did nothing, just so that we could have the support of the country to enter World War II. Don’t even get me started on 9/11 and what a tragedy that was…and how that was not only orchestrated by the powers that be but was also used to start the war against the “terrorists”.

Let’s turn to current events. The B.P oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico is insanely terrible. Our sisters and brothers of the ocean (fish, turtles, coral reefs, whales, etc.) are dying, and I’m sure this is affecting the lives of people whose livelihood is from the ocean. Why hasn’t serious action been taken against those responsible? Almost everyone I know is upset about it but why haven’t we stopped driving our cars and gone into the streets as a massive protest against not only B.P but oil in general?

Let’s talk about Hurricane Katrina and how poorly the U.S government responded to its own people. And while there was a huge outcry and outrage about it, how long did it take for the tragedy to be put on the back burner by many of us, as we returned to our shampoo-rinse-repeat lifestyles? And what about the gentrification going on in our own neighborhoods? Sure, I’m all for beautifying a neighborhood, but what about people who soon will not be able to afford living there? What do they do? Move out of their newly beautified neighborhood (which they probably were waiting years for that to happen) and find another shitty place in the city to live in? Let’s talk about the education system. Or what about Wall Street and the bail-outs? Where are the bail-outs for the working class?

So, finally, this is my point. My experience in Puerto Rico showed me that the island is but a microcosm of how not only the United States but the people in power, which are the wealthy people of this world, continually exploit countries abundant and rich in resources to gain monetary wealth. As I mentioned too, not only is the complacency of the Puerto Rican people on the island who are not really fighting what is happening to the island troubling me but on a larger scale, all of us as a people of this dysfunctional world are letting such atrocities happen.

It’s disgusting really. And I can’t sit here and pretend like I don’t have a hand in this too. While millions upon millions of people are starving, have no clean water and no shelter, I enjoy countless hours on the Internet, with the luxury of running water, air conditioning and a roof over my head. I truly never have to worry about food and hell, most people I know have a well stocked refrigerator and cupboard. We are rich compared to most people and it doesn’t even phase us. And would any of us give up our lives as they are, with their gadgets and gizmos and latest stiletto or pair of Jordans that we just HAVE to buy? Nope.

So this problem I saw in Puerto Rico is a large one on a huge scale. I just had to get all of that off my chest. We need to wake the fuck up y’all. And actually do something about all of this.

puerto rico.

i went away on hiatus for 20 days to puerto rico. i left may 11th and landed in jfk on the 30th. i’ve had a couple of people ask me how my trip went. and i find that i’m not sure how to really answer that. i always respond with, “it was interesting.” i really don’t know how else to put it.

i went away to clear my mind and really have a space to think about all the huge life changes coming my way. it was a chance to clear the cobwebs in my head and come to terms with the crossroads i am at and how to navigate on my path.

there are some conclusions that i’ll share about what i saw and learned while there:

1.what i got to see of the island is beautiful. i spent most of the time in rio piedras (about 20 mins on public transportation from old san juan) but also saw the beaches of condado, isla verde, luquillo and fajardo. they were absolutely beautiful. and i got to go to el yunque, the rainforest. it was spellbinding. i liked walking the streets of san juan and made a mental note to come back with a travel buddy so we can get into all sorts of trouble dancing and hanging out at the bars.

2. i had a good amount of conversations with people who lived on the island about the politics, society and situation going on there. the trip opened my eyes to how much the united states fucks countries in the ass with no lube. the best way to sum up what i realized about puerto rico was something a cab driver told me as we spoke on the politics:

“when the united states catches a cold, puerto rico catches pneumonia.”

3. a comemierda is someone who is obnoxiously arrogant, rude, slightly self-righteous and self-important. they tend to look down their noses at you for a variety of different reasons, and kiss ass like it’s their job. after this trip, i can spot a comemierda from a mile away. i’ve been able to before but now i definitely know what they look and sound like on the spot.

4. touristy stuff bores me. it’s really only but so interesting.

5. if i ever complain about nyc drivers, remind me that stop signs and red lights are but a mere suggestion to many drivers i saw in puerto rico.

6. i had no clue who governor fortuno was before i got to p.r. unfortunately for him, his first impression on me was terrible. he’s a bit of a republican asshole. just saying.

7. the upr students that have been on strike for the last month and some change rock. i hope they’re able to work something out with the administrators soon.

8. i need to figure out what i’m doing with my life. and going away has helped that a lot.

9. i would definitely visit again.

29.30 - let me ravish you.

when i get you alone
let me ravish you.

let me take your curious hands
put them on the elastic of my panties
and guide you in slipping them off

let me undress you
and take over you
unbuckling your pants
demanding you to fall back

let me handle you
straddle you
make you believe in god again.

it’s been too long
let’s take it slow
ravish me.
make me scream your name.

28.30 - wanderlust (la gitana).

i wonder when they will send for me
they can't seem to keep tabs on this wanderer
i carry less and less every time it's time to move

every time the honeymoon is over
the minute i feel my chest unable to expand
as i hear murmurs for a witch trial
i grab my things, throw everything that's too heavy
into the trash, often guilty that i had no time to give it to someone who needed it
take all the unnecessary shit and seperate it from the ever shrinking pile of things i own
i wonder if this is training for doing away with all of it someday

these are the confessions of a 24 year old gypsy
the only things i steal are sleep and beds, on occasion kisses
becoming increasingly more and more reluctant to pack up every few months
yet becoming wiser every time she is uprooted

catch me if you can
they say they can never find me
they also can't trust me to stay still
i am searching for something constantly

and with this wanderlust, some think i am lost
or simply running away
sometimes, all that's left is to walk away from something you cannot fix
when they ask why i cannot stay
i reply with,
"not all who wander are lost"

27.30 - nervous.

the winds of change have been blowing in my life
whipping me into shape
transforming my life
like the hands of a ceramist evolving a block of clay into something else

i am anxious
nervous to misstep as the universe takes my hand and guides me
i am scared
worried that i can't hold it together for much longer
and even though tomorrow i will wake up determined and fearless
i must allow myself this moment of weakness
and acknowledgement of being overwhelmed

it's a lot
i know i can do this
i just need a moment before i take all this to the next level
before i hold my breath and leap into this ocean of possibilities
i get nervous sometimes.

Reclaiming Quisqueya: My Experience at the 4th Annual National Dominican Student Conference

It has been a little over 24 hours since I have return back to my home from Cornell, and I can still feel the effects of having spent the weekend being inspired. I was not expecting to have such a positive experience. In fact, I wasn’t expecting much of anything. I was more excited to see my fellow panelists Vanessa Martir and Alicia Anabel Santos, who I had known before arriving to the conference. Before I continue, I want to share a bit about who I am to better explain why this weekend had such an impact on me.


My parents were both born and raised in the Dominican Republic. They moved to New York shortly after they were married and their three children, myself, my brother and sister, were born in the Bronx. Growing up, the only connection I had to my Dominican culture was through my family. We spoke Spanish the majority of the time. My mother would cook foods native to her upbringing, such as mangu, rice, beans and meat, stews and soups of all kinds and so forth. My extended family got together often to dance the night away to old school bachata, merengue and perico ripiao. From this description, one could assume that I was very rooted in my Dominican identity.


As I grew up, the community I grew up in had a bigger influence on me than my childhood. I was in a predominantly Puerto Rican and African American community, and so as I got into school, I was influenced greatly by the friends I had, the church I was part of and my interactions in my neighborhood. I don’t remember when I began to feel this way, but I never quite felt Dominican at that time. That sentiment stayed with me for a long time. I felt like I didn’t fit the Dominican woman stereotype. I was darker and less stylish than the Dominican females I encountered in my high school years, which was the first time I was exposed to more Dominicans outside of my family. I did not feel accepted by them; I didn’t seem to get what being from Quisqueya meant, I didn’t always understand how to joke around in Spanish, I had issues keeping up with the latest bachata hits because of my immersion into the world of rock, alternative and pop music and wasn’t as familiar with the motherland as the girls who were privileged enough to take trips every summer there.


A resentment of sorts began to develop in me from dealing with some arrogance and condescending energy in my adolescence. Once I got to college, cut off my hair, and hung out with the artists and poets on campus, I further alienated myself from the Latino community in school. The Latino students on my campus were predominantly Dominican. I realize now that part of it was my own resentment and feelings of being rejected that fed this separation. The other part was my willingness to experience the world outside of just a Latino circle and way of perceiving reality. I then resolved to just cultivate my connection to the poetry community and the Puerto Rican culture I was more familiar with.


A couple of months prior to the conference, Vanessa and I were having a conversation late at night. She paused in mid-conversation and told me that I had to visit the Dominican Republic; I had told her earlier that I hadn’t visited the island in 13 years. I got defensive and told her I had no desire to visit, and then expressed how I didn’t really feel connected to the island. I got to the point of anger with her as she told me how important it was for me to visit and to come to terms with this dissonance in my life.


My anger turned into inward reflection as the weeks went by. I had never, until that point, examined why I felt the way I did about my heritage. I wrote a bit about it after that conversation but left the writing to the wayside. The opportunity came to be a panelist for the conference after Vanessa recommended Alicia and I for the “Pelo Bueno, Pelo Malo” workshop. Since the topic was one that was personal to me, I took the chance and agreed to be a panelist. At this point, I was still not very excited about the conference, still holding onto my resentment.


My resentment began to melt after I left the first event Friday night of the conference. Carolina was driving me to my accommodations and I began to talk about my feelings of alienation with being Dominican. She just listened to what I was saying, and it was one of the first times I had expressed it out loud. Then, on Saturday, the “Moving Mountains” workshop set the tone for my change of heart. That workshop was utterly inspiring, as I heard the accomplishments and efforts of Dominican professionals who were giving back to their communities both in the United States and back in the Dominican Republic. I felt myself feel proud and happy for their stories and experiences, and suddenly felt for the first time in a very long time the urge to go visit D.R.


The workshop I was a panelist on was great. I was so excited to share my story with the audience and also hear the experiences of the other panelists and students in the crowd. I believe it was at this workshop that the idea of claiming one’s own Dominican-ness, as I heard some other students who felt the same type of struggle. When we had some time to network and have down time before the banquet, I spent the time speaking to Jennifer, a student from my alma mater, SUNY New Paltz. I elaborated more about how I had felt about being alienated and the overwhelming positivity that I had felt all weekend from everyone present. The banquet sealed the entire experience for me. I danced the night away and had a great time.


I came home inspired and finally ready to claim my Dominican-ness. I am working on this newfound positivity I feel towards my motherland. Vanessa was right. It was important for me to reconnect with the Dominican Republic. I feel a certain emptiness that I’ve felt in my life beginning to fill after this weekend. I thanked the organizers of the conference at Cornell and gave many, many hugs on Sunday out of the gratitude that I felt and still feel for the life-changing experience I had this past weekend. I must have thanked Vanessa as well about a dozen times for opening my eyes to the resentment I was not dealing with. I am finally able to claim my Dominican-ness, in my own way. In a way that is all my own. It feels good to not resent my heritage anymore. I can’t wait until I am able to book a flight to Dominican Republic!

26.30 - haiku for my mother's "therapist".

you are an asshole.
how dare you tell me i'm wrong
for what i believe.

*fuck you. fuck very much.

25.30 - to the young black woman i met on the bus this past weekend.

if there is any way i can help you realize you are beautiful
or convince you that you are worth it and more
that i know your pain well
and how hard it is to be a black woman in this society
i hope i can
you are amazing
please know that.

24.30 - reclaiming quisqueya

for all the years i’ve resisted calling you my motherland
and all the times i felt shunned by my sisters for my afro
i am here, quisqueya

for every time i denied you
and the moments where i wish something other than dominican blood was flowing through my veins
i will see you with these new lenses i’ve been given

something about listening to a cornucopia of your children ignited my flame again
i learned that no one can strip me of my roots just because i love bomba y plena
and that i am no less your child because i decided to cut the colonization off my head

now, i don’t feel like i have to prove my dominican-ness
i can claim it my own way

for my dreams
for my health & future
for my children to know why you are beautiful
i will no longer resist you

now i know it’s okay
that i am a dark dominicanita from the bronx
that i dream in all colors of cultures, the ones i breathe in from my people worldwide

i know now
my love for puerto rico does not have to rival yours
my heart is big enough for both of you
i love you, quisqueya
let’s start our new relationship today.
take me by the hand and show me your mountains
cook me your foods
and tell me of the children that ran in your forests
i am finally ready to accept and claim my heritage.

finally.


*this is dedicated to all my dominican sisters and brothers who i met at the conference this past weekend. and for vanessa. thank you so, so much. you have no idea how you’ve touched me.

23.30 - self afflicted.

Don’t be a victim
To your own goddamn life, love.
Your tears don’t phase me.